Drugs, tears, and arrests under the cut.
We need to talk about Conrad Hilton.
I know what you’re thinking: “Who gives a flying fuck about him?”
On a good day, I wouldn’t either, but ever since Mischa Barton got a job & Lindsay Lohan started dedicating her time to aiding Turkish dictators, the washed-up aughts gossip front has been weak, so I’ve been needing to dip into some Hilton family drama for my fix.
Last time we caught up with Parasite’s little brother - the straight one, not the one that got pulverized by Firecrotch& her posse - he was fresh out of jail and rehabilitating at La Casa Hilton in Bel-Air.
Sans a lawsuit back in August, Conrad’s remained relatively scandal-free since his two month stint in the slammer.
Well, that was short-lived!
Before we dig into the latest bout of Hilton hullabaloo, let’s recap Connie’s rap sheet thus far.
November 2011: Wonky McValtrex’s kin is busted for drunkenly hitting a car while speeding in Brentwood.
A neighbor who witnessed the fuss claimed the 17-year-old Hilton spawn was “taking a piss in the driveway” while mumbling, “I’m sorry sir. I am drunk and I have done a very stupid thing.” Conrad begged the onlooker to not call the cops, and then dangled a blinged out wrist: “See this bracelet. It costs $11,000. I can pay for everything!”
June 2012: While on probation for the 2011 crash, Connie tests positive for marijuana. The 18-year-old is cuffed and taken to a juvenile hall in Downtown LA before a judge sends him home.
July 2014: C.H. melts down on a British Airways flight from London to LA. Witnesses claim the 20-year-old attacked a flight attendant who caught him trying to smoke weed in the bathroom, shouting: “I am going to fucking kill you. I will fucking own anyone on this flight; they are fucking peasants.” He then went nuts on the bulkhead and screamed: “I could get you all fired in 5 minutes. I know your boss! My father will pay this out. He has done it before. Dad paid $300K last time!” Conrad’s attorney attributed the outburst to an adverse reaction to sleeping pills Hilton took before boarding the flight, and claimed his client checked into a treatment center immediately after the sky-high freakout.
August 2014: After leaving rehab, Connie runs into car trouble again in Palm Springs. The heir is spotted by fellow drivers speeding “about 200 miles an hour,” before clipping two other vehicles and crashing his own. He’s later charged for “reckless evading of an officer” after trying to outrun CHP during the wild chase.
February 2015: Conrad shows his face in a courtroom amidst an investigation into the 2014 plane incident. He’s released on $100K bail and forced to surrender his passport.
May 2015: Conrad strikes a plea deal for the Palm Springs wreck. The following day, Connie smashes his dad’s Range Rover head-on into another vehicle. The driver claimed that in the seconds before the crash, she saw Conrad looking “dazed” with both hands above his head. Afterwards, witnesses claim the vomit-drenched heir tossed a bong out his window and attempted to flee the scene. Amanda Bynesdid it better.
June 2015: Another day, another arrest. Police are called to the home of Conrad’s ex-girlfriend Hunter Daily after Hilton breaks in, chases Hunter’s mother E.G. Daily around the house, all the while an army of cops, helicopters, and Conrad’s own father Rick Hilton try to subdue the out-of-control heir. In legal documents, Hunter claims that she dated Conrad years ago, but they’d been broken up for a while. Beginning in September 2014, she alleges Conrad became scarily obsessive, saying she was the love of his life - and even threatening to kill himself. She went on to claim that Hilton would show up at her home at all hours, crying to E.G. that he wanted to marry her daughter - and a week prior to the arrest, Conrad paid the Daily women another visit, telling them to “get a restraining order because he can’t restrain himself.” As a result, Hunter & her family were granted a temporary order against Hilton.
January 2016: Conrad violates his probation after failing a drug test and is shipped off to Passages Malibu for 90 days. He’s later terminated from the treatment program - imagine getting kicked out of a fucking rehab!
June 2016: After failing further drug tests, a judge sentences Connie to two months in the slammer. As a result, the heir burst into tears as parents Rick & Kathy Hilton watch - just like big sister Paris back in June 2007!
August 2016: Conrad is sued by the other driver in the May 2016 crash.
And that brings us to this past week!
Last Saturday, Hilton was busted trying to break into Hunter’s home again, violating the restraining order she has against him.
Shortly after 4AM, Conrad strolled up to Daily’s Hollywood Hills household in a stolen Bentley, reportedly belonging to Hunter’s dad Rick Salomon.
Yes, that Rick Salomon - the costar of Paris’ sex tape.
If you’re confused - as I expect you are, here’s a guide:
A new Daily Mail report claims that Conrad’s fixation with Hunter stems back to “years of bullying” he endured because of 1 Night In Paris:
“The tape came out when Conrad was nine or ten-years-old, and he was in an all-boys school, so he’s been teased, bullied and tortured his whole school life.”
According to their insider, Conrad pursued Hunter as “revenge” against Rick, whom he blames for the bullying he endured throughout his formative years. As Conrad’s drug use worsened, his obsession with the Salomons intensified -Hamlet who? Shakespeare couldn’t write this family drama if he tried.
When cops arrived at Hunter’s home Saturday, though, Hilton went berserk, unleashing homophobic and racial epithets, accusing the officers of touching his penis, and screaming: “I’m Conrad motherfucking Hilton, don’t you forget it!”
A day after the drama, Hunter told a photographer that she believed Conrad’s not “all there” mentally:
And her theory was backed up by mother E.G., who told TMZ in two separate videos that because of Hilton’s obsession with her family, she’s had to install round-the-clock security, including live-in guards and Rottweilers patrolling the grounds:
She also claimed that she’s been in frequent contact with Rick & Kathy Hilton, and they’ve all been working tirelessly to resolve the situation, but she, too, believes there’s a mental health component that needs to be urgently attended to.
And to make things even more bizarre, Daily Mail released a video supposedly filmed on April 20th by one of Rick Salomon’s longtime friends Sal Tesauro:
In the video, a dead-eyed Conrad begs to make amends with Rick & his family, and forgives Salomon for “taking advantage” of his sister.
I had to double check if Gus Van Sant was on the directorial credits - since this is some Elephant shit.
Tesauro, who was staying at E.G.’s house at the time, claims that Hilton rang the bell, and because the Dailys have “a lot of empathy” for Conrad, Sal decided to videotape Hilton’s message instead of calling the cops:
“I’m not saying I was physically afraid of him, and he didn’t make any threats. It was more that I am afraid for him. He is obviously not in a good state. I know mental illness because it runs in my family. And it seems to me that he has some serious mental issues.”
Following the recording of the tape, Conrad’s returned to the home at least four times, once breaking a piece of glass, another time breaking his own cell phone in a fit of rage, and even leaving a teddy bear for Hunter on a garbage can… why does this sound like a scene from Fear?
Anyways, since Saturday’s arrest Conrad’s been holed up in L.A.’s Twin Towers jail, the same facility big sister Paris was briefly held for a psychiatric evaluation during her 2007 stint in the pokey.
His arraignment was originally scheduled for Tuesday, but Hilton refused to leave his cell. Despite the no-show, Conrad was still charged with a felony count of driving a vehicle without consent, in addition to two misdemeanor charges for violating a restraining order & contempt of court.
Hilton finally showed his face to a judge on Wednesday, but didn’t enter a plea for any of his charges. Rather, attorney Robert Shapiro asked the judge to release his client on bail on the condition that Conrad agrees to enter a hospital where doctors can diagnose what’s wrong with him.
Yes, that Robert Shapiro, of OJ Simpson fame. He’s been a longtime family friend of the Hiltons, who used to invite the main players of the OJ trial to lavish dinner parties back in the ‘90s to get the inside scoop on the case - I bet Ryan Murphy didn’t show you that!
Anyways, Paris & Nicole Richie were also party pals with Shapiro’s son Brent, who OD’d back in 2005. Paris even turned to Shapiro Sr. for legal advice amidst her DUI saga in May 2007.
Upon Shapiro’s suggestion for the bail stipulation, and the judge’s subsequent agreement, Hilton reportedly shouted: “So fucking gay!” And continued his courtroom antics Thursday morning. When prosecutors showed the judge footage of Saturday’s expletive-filled arrest, Conrad yelled: “I got assaulted! Objection.”
In the end, the judge set bail at $50K, and if posted, Conrad will be released to daddy and forced to check into Menninger hospital in Houston for treatment.
As for the Hiltons’ thoughts on the saga, Paris skipped her brother’s court hearing, Nicky is too busy enjoying life as a Rothschild, and former jailbird Barron looked glum alongside his parents outside the courthouse.
A PCD2009 source that worked for Papa Hilton told me that during their time amongst the family, Rick & Kathy shied away from discussing their troubled brood - sans Nicky: “There were photos of Nicky’s wedding in the office, but everyone else they paid dust.” They went on to tell the blog that the couple seemed relatively kind and hardworking, and it’s a shame they got stuck with “such awful children.”
Well, that explains why all Rick posted on Instagram after his son’s arrest was a picture of a swimming pool:
Meanwhile, Kathy’s been responding to well wishes on her profile:
I’ll keep you kids in the loop as the drama continues to unfold.
Gifs & Graphics: miammitchell, hotasice, & chlorination