Random Celeb Stuff

Xenu loves Trump, Seacrest gets punched, Carter drama, and an Usher herpes roundup.

Don’t Sleep With Usher

I’m trying to resist making a Parasite Hilton joke, I really am.

Anyways, in case you’re behind, Usher’s recently been outed as a member of Hollywood’s not-so-exclusive STD society - thanks to a recently unearthed lawsuit!

In legal documents obtained by Radar Online, an unidentified woman slapped the singer with a suit after he lied about being STD-free.

The woman - later outed as Maya Fox Davis, a bridesmaid at the singer’s 2007 wedding to Tameka Foster - claimed that during their short-lived fling, she noticed Usher had a “greenish discharge” oozing from his penis - but he told her it was no biggie.

Three weeks into their condom-free romp, though, Davis woke up feeling “sick” with “blisters in her vagina” - causing her to seek urgent care and promptly being diagnosed with herpes.

And the singer later settled with Maya for a cool million in 2012:

But it gets worse.

After word broke of the settlement, another woman who slept with Usher back in April filed a $10 million suit of her own after he supposedly lied about his herpes… again - but Jane Doe’s now upped the price an extra ten after getting an STD test last week and finding out that Usher hadn’t just exposed her - he ended up infecting her, too!

Oh, and let’s toss in three more suits while we’re at it:

I will be doing a New York press conference Monday morning regarding a new case I’m filing against Usher. Here are the details. pic.twitter.com/MNXWyETXOJ
— Lisa Bloom (@LisaBloom) August 4, 2017

Our favorite attorney, Lisa Bloom, is now representing two more women - and a man - in their own cases against the singer, alleging that they all slept with Usher after 2012 without a fair Herp-warning.

This is going to get ugly… and I’m excited!

Aaron Carter Roundup

With all of the Mischa Bartoncraziness this year, I’ve totally dropped the ball on one of our other favorite trainwrecks - that’s right, Aaron Carter.

Once upon a time, you couldn’t type in my URL without being greeted with a dozen tales of AC’s STD-ridden romps with barely legal sorority girls, or his bimonthly Twitter meltdowns over everything from ATM receipts to his love life - wait, remember his romance with Chris Crocker?

Ahh, it’s truly been a journey.

But that’s why we’re long overdue for a Carter roundup - and thankfully, we have a good ol’ DUI to hook us back in!

On July 15th, the 7/11 parking lot crooner was busted en route to a Kansas City concert.

First thing’s first - he booked a stage? I’m as surprised as you are.

But alas, somewhere in the heart of Georgia - Cornelia, to be exact - Aaron was caught by cops swerving along the 385 like crazy, and soon enough he was cuffed and tossed in a holding cell - tweeting to his tens of fans that he couldn’t make the evening’s show due to “transportation issues”:

Due to transportation issues, Aaron will not make his set time tonight in Kansas City. He promises to come … https://t.co/ClRJxaiGoZ
— Aaron Carter (@aaroncarter) July 15, 2017

That’s an understatement.

Anyways, details were fuzzy at first. Aside from the DUI charge, Carter was also booked on pot possession:

Alongside his girlfriend Madison Parker, whom he met on Instagram:

And by midday Sunday, their meth-tastic mugshots hit the web:

So what’s the story?

According to a Twitter statement from Aaron, he wasn’t drunk at all - his tire was just out of alignment and he was heading to an AutoZone to get it fixed:

Thank you ALL for your prayers & well wishes. I am so sorry to all my fans that I missed. The truth will come out! Read my statement here: pic.twitter.com/XaiKqUeXxh
— Aaron Carter (@aaroncarter) July 17, 2017

But he also claims that he was promoting his “hit single” and was only targeted by cops because of his “celebrity"… so it’s safe to say drugs totally fried his brain.

Not long after the statement, though, TMZ reported AC was considering legal action against the county cops - claiming he wasn’t even in the car during the arrest, and there’s surveillance footage to prove it… but the police report disagrees.

According to the Habersham County Sheriff’s deputy, Aaron was only spotted pulling into the AutoZone long after an alert went out for someone in an ‘05 Chevy Suburban ”driving all over the road and running into the median.“

Once the deputy approached Carter, they observed his ”eyes to be blood shot and watery with a glazed look to them“ - and then during a subsequent field sobriety test, Aaron talked to himself, lost his balance, swayed, and had some funky ”body tremors“ in his arms and legs.

Cue a freakout from Madison, and then the deputy found a glass pipe and small baggie of weed in her purse.

This is how @itsmadisonp and I wake up and start the day interviewing attorneys and doing radio promotion….Morning Birmingham too! ❤️🌹 pic.twitter.com/mSEDNSRQNZ
— Aaron Carter (@aaroncarter) July 17, 2017

Young love.

In addition, TMZ reported that hours before the DUI bust, Aaron stopped by a Walmart in Commerce, Georgia after blowing out a tire on his Chevy Suburban. Carter couldn’t pay the repair bill, though, so he said he’d phone his manager - but employees were worried he’d try to ditch without paying… so someone called the cops:

After talking to officers, a ”fan“ who watched the incident go down offered to pay Aaron’s $110 bill if he gave her an autograph and took a picture.

Condolences to that fan.

Anyways, after news of the arrest broke, Aaron took to Twitter to slam the gossip surrounding his latest fuck-up - and dragged Michael Jackson into this, for some reason:

Final thoughts before I final get some sleep… pic.twitter.com/lPmz2UGMnD
— Aaron Carter (@aaroncarter) July 17, 2017

And he also wants you to know that he’s totally not on meth, crack, or heroin - he’s just aging like any 29-year-old should:

Hey @MrsSOsbourne and @aishatyler on @TheTalkCBS I am not an "addict” and not on “crack.” To claim such derogatory statements is sick. #Sad pic.twitter.com/8YRd15SnG1
— Aaron Carter (@aaroncarter) July 17, 2017

I will NOT continue to tolerate such lies about me regarding drug use with alleged meth, heroine, crack - it’s not funny!
— Aaron Carter (@aaroncarter) July 17, 2017

And his publicist backed up the lie, telling People that beyond marijuana, Carter’s never tried any “hard drugs.” Uhh, sure.

Funnily enough, a week prior to the vehicular snafu, Aaron dissed fellow washed-up racist child star Shia LaBeouf for his own drunken arrest, claiming that he doesn’t roll that way:

You spoke too soon, bud.

But Aaron continues to deny the rumors, sitting down with Entertainment Tonight to uncomfortably sob and claim it’s physically impossible for him to drink:

And as of yesterday, he’s now openly bisexual!

pic.twitter.com/Zi6ahCtk4U
— Aaron Carter (@aaroncarter) August 6, 2017

Last night, AC took to Twitter to broadcast the fact he likes guys and girls - as if the flurry of Carter encounters over here at PCD2009 didn’t already blow that secret. And to add onto the breaking news, Aaron and his partner-in-meth, Madison, are officially dunzo!

I hope that he can finally shack up with Ryan Cabrera now:

You two were destined for each other.

President Cruise?

In case you’ve ever wondered what alien-worshippers think of Donald Trump, Leah Remini’s got you covered.

In a recent interview with TheWrap, the American hero dished on Scientology’s political leanings, claiming that during her days in the cult there were often meetings amongst Xenu’s children to discuss which way to vote - and big shocker, they usually settled on anyone pro-Scientology.

During the 2016 election, one of the only Los Angeles precincts to vote for the reality star was a Scientology-packed neighborhood - the reason? Donald’s vow to “totally destroy” the Johnson Amendment, which would allow Scientology to get involved in politics without their tax-exempt status being threatened - so I guess we should be gearing up for Tommy’s 2020 run!

The Greatest Tabloid Article Of 2017

Pack your bags Us Weekly, since Star just won the game.

It’s rare that an article delivers on every single level imaginable, but Star did that - and more:

I mean, where do I even begin?

First off, you have Greasy Bear/Fat Elvis (Pick your poison) hanging out with Jaclyn Smith’s random ass spawn:

And then you have Seacrest popping in, uninvited, and getting socked in the process - also, kudos to his descriptor being “bland.” Well played, Star… well played.

Oh, and to top it off, you have this all going down at the very same hotspot where Wonky McValtrex partied after her… uh, “miscarriage"… that same year:

I wish Star still listed the authors after their articles like they used to back in the day, since I want to send whoever wrote this a fruit basket. Thank you for single-handedly reminding me why I still subscribe to tabloids in 2017.