Britney’s comeback disaster.
It was MTV’s idea, according to The New York Times, and Spears’ label was understandably weary.
Only weeks prior had Britney Spearsbrawled with paparazzi and brought a magazine photo shoot to its knees - but MTV thought the spiraling star seemed ready enough for its annual Video Music Awards, and Spears’ attorney Gary Stiffelman agreed.
Ignoring Jive’s concerns, Brit Brit accepted the invitation to Vegas, setting the latest - and most disastrous - Spears saga into motion… and cameras would accompany her every step of the way.
On August 15th, less than a day after rumors of a comeback performance hit the web, X17 spotted its biggest cash cow strutting into Beverly Hills’ Tower Hotel with a new man by her side:
Criss Angel.
“Another night, another hookup,” proclaimed Us Weekly, while other glossies buzzed Angel was simply going to add the magic touch to Brit’s highly-anticipated performance, both stars conveniently sharing a manager. Whatever the case may be, the following day would usher in another late-night appointment, and the rumor mill went into overdrive.
As the next two weeks welcomed scattered studio visits, club hopping, and rendezvous with Angel and an army of choreographers, whispers of what Brit Brit was cooking began to pile up.
Us dished about a canned medley of Brit hits, centered around her 2004 cover of My Prerogative, as a montage of tabloid headlines and ex-boyfriends would play in the background - while another alleged axed act included a duet with Justin Timberlake, a source from the singer’s camp quickly firing back that the story was “totally false.”
But the last, and most likely, game plan would be what the New York Daily News described as an “abracadraba act.” Angel would guide Spears in and out of a series of mirrors, making it seem as if the pop star vanished and then reappeared several times - the cherry on top being a complicated dance number requiring harnesses.
Things seemed surprisingly hopeful on August 27th when Spears, manager Jeff Kwatinetz, and representatives for MTV gathered for a rehearsal of the big number. “Everyone was psyched,” claimed a source close to Jive. “Was it great? No. Was she back to her best? No. But that girl had turned things around and was TV-ready.” With a little over ten days to spare, it seemed as if the troubled star would actually be able to stick a decent landing.
“She showed a semblance of sticking to her regimen,” a Spears source snitched… until she arrived in Vegas.
The first sign of trouble would come on August 31st, when Spears was scheduled to appear at DJ AM’s new Sin City hotspot, LAX.
While Brit had been booked a month prior to pump up the party, the hours leading up to the club’s opening welcomed reports of last-minute laziness. “Britney has flaked on Vegas for sure,” Perez Hilton blogged. Why? “Because she just felt like it.”
By 10PM, management got word Spears still hadn’t boarded the plane - but less than twenty minutes later, reports claimed she’d suddenly changed her mind.
Over two hours late, Britney finally walked the club’s red carpet - owner Steve Davidovich begging her to pose for the cameras. The pop star begrudgingly flashed her signature smile… and then darted inside with her posse.
Mostly ignoring her hosting duties, Brit quickly retired to the club’s VIP area - sharing lollipops with Criss and swaying to her new single, Gimme More, which had leaked online the day prior.
But as fast as she’d come, she’d gone.
Within an hour of arriving, Spears swapped clothes with a party pal and stumbled back to L.A. - with only a week until showtime.
And much like her LAX appearance, Brit’s remaining performance prep began to tailspin.
After touching back down in Los Angeles, the countdown had begun. As gossip sites anticipated the moment that could make or break Spears’ already fragile career, it seemed the pop star had all but forgotten her looming performing duties.
Late nights at Club Opera and Taco Bell replaced prep, and when it came time for a crucial last-minute rehearsal on September 4th, Spears arrived four hours late - prompting Angel to storm out and leave Brit with only five days to find a backup plan.
Day by day, minute by minute, whatever little hope remained for the star’s comeback fast unraveled - and with no way out, Spears decided to put the final nail in her own coffin.
On September 6th, the network finally confirmed the rumors: Britney Spears would grace the VMAs stage once more.
But behind the scenes, crisis mode had commenced.
That Friday, the pop star touched down in Vegas to begin what seemed like her last round of prep - but what friend-cousinAlli Sims would instead describe as a “laid-back girls weekend.”
As dancers rehearsed mercilessly on the afternoon of September 7th, Spears arrived with minutes to spare.
Decked in jeans and a hat, the performer lazily walked through the planned choreography.
And then decided to do what she does best: party.
As fast as she’d arrived in Sin City, Spears scoped out the hotspots with pals Alli and Lucy Walsh. “She wanted to go out to the ‘in places’,” a source told Us, and who better to guide her than Diddy?
After ditching her dancers, Britney kicked off her first night in town dancing and chugging champagne at Body English - only resting when SexyBack started blaring from the speakers. From there, Spears hightailed it to Pure with Criss Angel, and then met up with Puff Daddy - finally calling it a night at 3AM.
And Saturday would go even worse.
On September 8th, with only a day remaining, Brit waltzed into rehearsals hours late… and a frozen margarita in hand. “The dance number was spectacular - without her,” dished one spy, while another noted Spears refused to do anything she deemed too “complicated” - which left the already weak routine incredibly bare. “You guys know this isn’t going to happen,” Britney said… and then walked off.
On the eve of her big performance, Spears joined Diddy, Pharrell, Cassie, Paris Hilton, and producer Dallas Austin for another all-night bender.
First it was Body English, then Tao, and finally Jet - where Brit reportedly downed two vodka sodas, a couple of kamikazes, and screamed: “Y'all, this is so much fun!”
Even the pop star’s party pals seemed concerned for Sunday’s opener, warning Brit that she should probably be getting rest, but Spears ignored the pleas and proceeded to end the night in Diddy’s suite at the Palms, finally making it back to her own room at 6AM… with only twelve hours till showtime.
By the afternoon of September 9th, Britney was still fast asleep.
As the clock ticked, phone lines buzzed between MTV producers and Spears’ reps - all worried about the evening’s performance.
With only hours remaining, Brit finally surfaced - still tired and hungover. Making her way backstage, Spears caught a glimpse of ex-boyfriend Justin Timberlake, another one of the night’s performers, and the nerves began to set in.
Once in her dressing room, the star ordered her partner-in-partying Alli to guard the door - Britney didn’t want to see anyone. As Spears’ reps approached, they were turned away one by one - and when Timberlake reportedly stopped by to wish his ex luck, Britney refused to come out.
The disaster had begun.
Meanwhile, in the hotel’s casino the red carpet procession was just getting started. As stars lined up for MTV cameras, the network excitedly aired clips from Spears’ Friday rehearsal - “Britney is back!” they proclaimed.
Inside Spears’ dressing room, though, tensions were at an all-time high.
With a little over an hour remaining, the pop star’s camp descended into absolute chaos. Tossing back tequila shots, a frantic Brit began to lash out at everyone around her - even brother Bryan Spears. And when hairstylist Ken Paves finally arrived, extensions in hand, Spears’ attitude worsened.
“I don’t like him! I want his assistant,” Britney barked, but the assistant pledged her loyalty to Paves. And as the coiffeur attempted to smooth things out, Spears snapped once again, telling Ken he was “annoying” and demanding he leave.
The next image to emerge of the disaster zone would be a bodyguard shoving Paves outside, and as fast as Spears’ management caught word, the hairstylist had already darted back to his hotel room - ignoring producers’ last-minute pleas.
But with the clock still ticking and a stylist gone AWOL, it dawned on MTV that their show was about to start and their opener didn’t have hair. Quickly, Nelly Furtado’s stylist rushed to help, gabbing extensions from the hotel’s hair salon and hurriedly gluing together a blonde hairpiece… which Britney would eventually mess up.
But it would be Spears’ next, and final creative change that would garner the most headlines.
Weeks before the show, the pop star had secured a form-flattering corset from Dita Von Teese’s stylist Trish Summerville. Suddenly, with minutes to spare, Britney had a change of heart. After Alli ordered everyone to leave the room so Spears could change in private, the door clicked shut and with less than ten minutes on the clock, Britney ditched the planned outfit, deeming it “not sexy enough.”
As her team nervously waited outside, the door crept open and Spears exited… in a sequined bra and hot pants.
“What the fuck?” one person shouted.
Britney’s reps quickly begged her to change back, but it was too late. “We’ve got to get her on stage!” an MTV assistant shouted - and within moments, Spears was led away.
Minutes turned to seconds, and at 6PM - in front of an audience of her peers, and cameras broadcasting to millions more - Britney Spears stood ready for her first televised performance in years.
“Somewhere, Kevin Federline is laughing,” began the Associated Press’ review of the evening.
TMZ kept it simpler:
As Spears stumbled through the performance that could save her career, dead silence overcame the audience. “Everyone was stunned. We couldn’t believe what was happening right in front of our eyes,” claimed one industry exec. Backstage, producers and production assistants watched in awe: “What the fuck is wrong with her?”
“Is she on something?” another asked.
But Britney remained oblivious to the trainwreck unfolding in front of millions… until she caught a glimpse of herself in a monitor. “Oh, my God! I looked like a fat pig! I looked like a fat pig,” she reportedly cried as she ran backstage.
She realized she fucked up.
As handlers and label reps guarded the sobbing pop star’s dressing room, Sarah Silverman took the stage, taking aim at the car crash the world had just witnessed.
But the comedian’s harshest words would be saved for Spears’ two children, dubbing them both “mistakes”:
And it would only get worse.
As the Internet erupted into Britney backlash, the pop star quickly abandoned the show to continue partying, stepping out with brother Bryan for another long night - capping her post-performance festivities at 3AM…
… and underwear-free:
But even another crotch shot couldn’t distract the world from what it’d witnessed earlier that evening.
“She was awful,” blasted The New York Times in their Monday recap of the show.
“She looked more like Edie Sedgwick in the post-lobotomy scenes of… Ciao, Manhattan,” added the L.A. Times.
“Has-been Britney,” K-Fed joked to a pal.
“I have no words,” exclaimed Kanye West
And even Dave Grohl remarked: “You know those things that you put batteries in and they just vacuum the floor without anyone touching them? That’s what I think of Britney Spears.”
Those would be some of the nicer reviews.
Spears’ performing abilities quickly fell to the wayside as media outlets excitedly ripped into the pop star’s appearance - the press-on nails, the sprayed-on abs, and most viciously: Britney’s weight.
“Lard and clear… she looked flabulous,” blasted The Post. “Tele-tubby,” joked the Chicago Sun-Times. “Out-of-shape,” noted the Washington Post - and E! News kept it short and sweet: “The bulging belly she was flaunting was SO not hot.”
Hunting season was in full force, and everyone was rushing to take a shot at Britney.
As journalists and TV anchors stirred about Sunday’s primetime fiasco, fans scrambled to find a scapegoat for Spears’ lackluster comeback. First it was the tale of the broken heel, as suggested by the LiveJournal celebrity gossip community Oh No They Didn’t:
And then X17 took a stab, claiming the real reason Britney bombed was because she heard Sarah Silverman’s material early - prompting one of Brit’s new handlers, Sam Lutfi, to shout at the comedian backstage.
That claim would quickly be refuted, however… as Silverman revealed she didn’t even rehearse her jokes ahead of time.
Other theories floating around the web included pill-popping, a fight with Criss Angel, and even an allergic reaction to eyedrops Brit had been using to help her allergies - but none would fly past the pop star’s most vocal critic: Perez Hilton.
The blogger, who’d once described Britney as an “all-you-can-eat buffet that never runs out of food,” immediately took to his website to slam Sunday night’s opener - dubbing her “Shitney” and placing her image beside that of Miss Piggy’s:
But Hilton’s harshest words would come in a now-infamous open letter he penned the morning after:
In the scathing attack, the blogger remarked Britney was “pathetic” and a “bitch,” and took one last dig at Spears’ “beer belly” before plugging his VH1 show What Perez Sez.
Hours later, Hilton would receive an unexpected response.
On September 10th, YouTuber and MySpace personality Chris Crocker uploaded the aptly-titled “LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!” to YouTube:
While Crocker had already uploaded “Leave Britney Alone pt.1” to MySpace the night prior, the YouTube sequel would quickly join a geography-challenged Miss Teen USA in viral video history, raking in millions of views before the week was done - and replacing his patron saint Spears as a media punching bag.
From Glenn Beck to Seth Green, digs and parodies of the sobbing Britney fanatic ran rampant:
And within a week of the video’s debut, the aspiring actor - who’d also confessed to being a past pal of Hilton’s - announced he’d signed a deal with a production company, hoping to land a TV show of his very own.
No sooner than his announcement did he join the ranks of Bobby Trendy and Paris Hilton impersonatorNatalie Reid as a TMZ darling, gleefully greeting cameras outside the very same hotspots where photographers would often find Spears - and even joining the others for a Britney-themed “art show” later that month, seeming to be more of a parody of the pop star’s spiraling mental health than an appreciation for a woman in distress:
“Britney does not think Chris Crocker is funny,” a pal would later tell Us. “She thinks he’s creepy and that his videos are an obvious attempt at fame.”
“Call it the Perez effect,” Entertainment Weekly dubbed it. “Celebrity is now only a Britney blog post away,” and even Spears’ supposed fans were eager to cash in.
But perhaps the biggest beneficiary of the pop star’s struggles would be the very network that had once propelled Spears to stardom.
“She stole the show whether you liked it or not. The only thing you heard about the following day was Britney,” Idol judge Simon Cowell noted of the year’s Video Music Awards, and in a whopping 23 percent ratings increase over 2006’s show, MTV’s annual gala managed to score 7.1 million viewers - numbers they so desperately needed.
“They knew she’d be out partying. It seems like [the performance] was really meant for attention,” one insider claimed - to which a rep for the network snapped: “No one wanted to see [Britney] succeed more than her fans and MTV.” But the timing seemed questionable at best.
And as for the woman at the center of it all, in the show’s aftermath a devastated Spears made a somber return to her Beverly Hills gated community.
Shielding herself from a world so eager to mock her, Rolling Stone claimed the pop star would often ask friends: “Was I terrible? Was it terrible?”
She knew the answer.
Within days of the disaster, word hit gossip sites that Spears had been dumped by her management, her divorce lawyer - and possibly a judge, with rumors swirling that Britney was likely to lose custody of her two boys - and to that, Perez excitedly scribbled: “SUICIDE WATCH!”
As fast as one Britney saga had come to an end, another was just getting started.
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