if only she took her own advice

StarDecember 10, 2007

i keep listening to this drunk ashlee simpson interview

Rosie O’Donnell’s website, March 2007

Parasite likes the poor & Lilo calls someone else a junkie… I’m serious.

CELEB ENCOUNTERS

Nicole Kidman

“On a flight to Sydney, Nicole Kidman sat in first class alone while her children were in coach with their nanny. She didn’t visit them the entire flight.” - Anonymous

Irrelevant Model (?)

“I don’t know if Jordan Barrett warrants being here but anyway, my sister’s friend is friends with him & my sister was at a party with him. He was hitting on her like crazy and she rebuffed, of course prompting him to ask, ‘Are you a lesbian or something?’ I would later meet him at a party with my sister and her friend and I asked him to give me the dirt on Parasite Hilton and Courtney Love. He goes, 'They’re cool man.’ Fucking boring ass bitch.” - Off-Anonymous

A+ Storytelling Skills.

Parasite Hilton

“This is pretty weak dirt, but I lined up for three hours to meet Paris Hilton at a shopping centre a few months ago and she was so nice and sweet to everyone… except when a girl brought that picture of her in a 'Stop Being Poor’ shirt for Paris to sign. Paris was visibly shaken and curtly informed her that it is a photoshopped image and she never wore that. Glad she called that fake fan out.” - Anonymous

Why am I laughing so hard at this?

Other Hilton Spawn

“Barron Hilton and I shared a class together at LMU. We had a discussion in theology class, where our professor asked us to share a story. I can’t remember what the question was, but Barron spoke up. He said that he didn’t like how the media kept on shitting on his family. It was practically the only time he spoke up. He really didn’t speak much in class as he seemed like a shy kid. Poor thing. I felt sorry for him once he mentioned his issues.” - Anonymous

Prince Jackson

“Prince Jackson went to my university. The first time I saw him, he was with a female friend walking on the way to class. At first, I didn’t want to believe that it was actually him until I had to Google his name. Second time I saw him, he was in an elevator with his friend, who apparently lived in the same apartment as I did. I said, 'Hey, I’ve seen you on campus.’ He said, 'Hi, I’m Michael.’ I was surprised that he didn’t use his first name, but he was nice, chill and friendly.” - Anonymous

Kim Zolciak

“I live in the same neighborhood as Kim Zolciak and I’ve seen her out & about on occasion. My friend saw her daughter Ariana at the grocery store and said she was face timing Kim about what to buy. Apparently Kim sounded very nice and chill on the call, but Ariana seemed out of it, like she was high on something. Sad. They were also spotted at a carnival and a friend of a friend said Ariana and Brielle were rude.” - Anonymous

I’m not even going to lie, I had Tardy for the Party on my iPod Nano in 2009.

Selena Gomez & The Weeknd

“My sister & I are vacationing in Florence, Italy with my cousin who is here for work. A bunch of us are out to dinner in this tiny little restaurant when halfway through our meal, two beefy-looking guys walk in after speaking to the manager. I only noticed because these guys were huge in this cramped little Italian trattoria. I was about to turn away when this tiny woman in a black dress walks in behind these dudes and I think, 'That looks like Selena Gomez.’ Lo and behold, The Weeknd follows her in! Long story short, everyone at our table went from subtly trying to sneak pics to just turning around and chatting with their bodyguards who were at the table closer to us. I have to admit, they actually looked cute together and never seemed disinterested in the other or just focused on their phones. He kissed her hand a bunch and she was super polite to the staff from what I could hear. The only thing that annoyed me was that the tag from the neckline of her dress was sticking out the entire time and it was driving me crazy. I tried to see what it said but to no avail. We left the restaurant before they did and only after my cousin - who was pretty drunk by this point - went up to them to tell them what a beautiful couple they are (after getting permission from the bodyguard). Selena said, 'Thank you, that’s so sweet of you!’ As soon as we left, I turned to my sister and said, 'I gotta tell PCD2009 about this.’” - Off-Anonymous

INSIDE #DIRT

Busted Cat Marnell

“One of my best friends, who’s an editorial assistant for this design publication, was directly across from Tiffany Trump at a show during NYFW and said it was only karma that the pathetic brat was left sitting alone. Apparently she use to intern at 'Marie Claire’ and acted like the entitled brat you would expect. She was fired and her dad called to bitch about it.” - Source

La Lohan

Remember that time in 2010 Lindsay was snapped in a hotel room, conveniently sitting beside some lines of coke? Well, a source filled me in on the secret backstory:

“Lindsay originally said she was walking to her hotel room when she got called into another room by some fans to take a picture. Well, the hotel room was actually hers. This person I know was involved in event planning and was working on an event in the hotel the night of the incident. They knew someone in the Lohan clan who called her and said she should come up to the room to meet Lindsay and get a picture with her. She wasn’t really that interested - they were tired after working all night - but decided to go up anyway and meet her. She said she saw Lindsay go through at least four or five grams of coke in the time they were up there. They also said Lindsay was freaking out as she didn’t want to go back to America to face the judge so in her mind she came up with a plan to say her passport got stolen. She was going to say her assistant - who she apparently treated like a dog - stole it… although she never said this in any interviews, that’s what her original plan was when she was coked up in the hotel room. While the event planner was in the room, she began to smoke a joint to wind down from the night after working. Lindsay turned and said, 'Marijuana is such a junkie drug!’ An argument ensued when the event planner turned to her and said, 'Are you for real? I just watched you down five grams of coke in less than an hour!’ They left the room shortly after and one of the party planner’s friends peed on Lindsay’s hotel room’s door. In the end, Lindsay actually got kicked out of the hotel because she was so broke that she couldn’t pay the bill.” - Source

#throwback

Remember, if you have a celeb story, picture, or video, you can submit them here, here, or to popculturediedin2009@gmail.com!

blame benji madden’s dick

On This Day In 2007 Lindsay Lohan was photographed snorting cocaine in a nightclub bathroom a few weeks after checking out of rehab. Shortly after 11PM, Lindsay arrived at Teddy’s at the Roosevelt Hotel with some friends where she pulled a small baggie of cocaine out of her jeans pocket. One of the friends, who sold the story to News of the World two months later, claimed that Lindsay did 20 lines of cocaine that night, and then bragged about “going to New York tomorrow to fuck Jude Law.” The friend added: “When she is on coke, which is most of the time, all the attention has to be on her.”

life-changing

I love all of my PCD2009 readers!

Kate Moss and Pete Doherty at an airport in Italy, October 2006

… Designated Driver Edition!

Mischa Barton (Yes, that’s a new picture)

Record:1 DUI, 1 U-Haul Crash, No Lesson Learned

Potential Passengers: Brandon Davis’ sweat, the ghost of Marissa Cooper, Cisco Adler’s balls

or

Amanda Bynes

Record:2 DUIs, 2 Hit-And-Runs, No Apology From Obama

Potential Passengers: Nikki Blonsky

Cast your votes!

A tell-all, a reality show with Lindsay Lohan, a brand new endorsement, and a potential sex tape. Yep, it’s time for #MischaWatch.

(Replace Brit Brit with Coop)

Last time we caught up withMischa Barton, she was crashing trucks into buildings, getting high behind the wheel, & partying alone. I guess Coop’s soul never died on that fateful May 2006 night, it just inhabited Mischa’s booze-and-adderall ridden bod.

Since then, the Hollywood rumor mill hasn’t slowed down, so let’s recap Coop’s wildest stories as of late:

1).A Sparkling New Endorsement?

Coop might not be making that much cash off her straight-to-VOD classics, but it doesn’t mean she hasn’t found other ways to pay the rent, take a peek at her latest endorsement for starters!

Yep, Coop’s plugging water now. She’s not the first celebrity to give 138 Water their close-up, but according to their website, she’s the only one that matters!

You can take a peek at more stunning snaps from Coop’s shoot here.

2).Coop Tells All!

According to a recent issue of Star (Okay, so it’s bullshit - I know!), our girl Coop is prepping for a potential Pulitzer - and her fellow washed-up aughts party pals better keep an eye out!

What could a potential Barton book bring? Well, a riveting recap of her OD at Nicole Richie’s 2007 Memorial Day bash, a firsthand account of teabagging Cisco Adler’s balls, how a botched wisdom tooth surgery leads to a 5150 - the possibilities are endless! Let us pre-order it on Amazon already, Coop!

3).Trainwreck Summit

Somewhere, far in the distance, Parasite Hilton’s wonky eye finally aligned and a slight wheeze escaped her Toucan Sam-looking beak, since according to a recent issue of the Enquirer (Bigger BS than ‘Star’ - I KNOW!), Coop is getting ready to take over TV once again with fellow walking disaster Lindsay Lohan:

“Lilo And Mischa Team For Trainwreck TV,” reads a headline from this week’s National Enquirer, which goes on to claim the pair has found a new “get-rich scheme, a rebound reality show.” A so-called “source” tells the supermarket tabloid, “Lindsay came up with the idea for them to costar in a reality show,” which will supposedly follow the actresses as they battle to “rebuild their careers and reputations.” The publication’s alleged insider contends a “broke as a joke” Lohan and “homeless” Barton both “know they would need to address their drug issues and arrests… But a reality show would be a win win because they can address their scandals on their own terms.”

It goes without saying that these faded Zoebots have quite the history, from their child modeling days in the '90s:

Hitting the big leagues together in the early '00s:

To finally drowning their post-career sorrows together by the end of the decade.

But according to a rep for Lilo (AKA Lindsay, since she can’t actually afford a rep), the rumors are “extremely false.” Bummer! I would’ve watched it in a heartbeat. People rag on Lindsay on OWN, but it was riveting. It was like a millennial Grey Gardens with coke and paparazzi. Combine that with Mischa’s disastrous Fearne Cotton interview and you have television gold.

4).California, Here We Come!

Following in the footsteps of her many Valtrex-chugging frenemies, rumor has it that Coop has her very own sex tape!

A Daily Mail report from early yesterday revealed that a naughty video starring a hoodie-clad Coop & a mysterious dark-haired man is making its way around the porn valley with a starting price of $500K:

“The footage is being touted to online porn companies, with a number of porn industry giants considering the offer. Kevin Blatt, Hollywood’s sex-tape broker, was approached by a third party with the video. He told DailyMail.com: 'The tape is being shopped around porn valley, the asking price is $500,000. 'I know that at least three large online porn sites, YouPorn.com, Porn.com and RedTube.com have reviewed it and they’re all seriously considering the offer. I’ve seen stills from the video, it’s clearly Mischa in my opinion. She’s seen performing a sex act on a guy and can be seen having sex in various positions.’ It’s not clear who the man in the video is and Barton has not stepped out with anyone publicly in recent months. It’s believed the video was shot at a private residence in Hollywood within the past year. Barton is seen wearing a grey hoodie and nothing else having sex on a double bed with a man wearing just a black t-shirt. The explicit footage appears to have been shot in a bedroom, the bed has a leather padded headboard and mirrored panels, while coffee cups and an empty bottle of Gatorade litter a bedside table. Adding to the less than glamorous surroundings, there’s also a flier on the table for CURRENT: LA, Los Angeles’ first city-wide Public Art Biennial. Sources close to the star fear for her emotional well-being, should the video be leaked online. One source told DailyMail.com: 'This is the last thing Mischa needs. Her name has been dragged through the mud enough times, she doesn’t need a sex scandal right now.’”

Damn, Coop! That’s one thing even Lilo hasn’t done (or at least had leaked) - remember that fake Calum Bestblow job picture, though?

Slightly more believable than the Ashlee Simpson sex tape gossip sites were trying to push back in '06 - even 7-year-old me knew that shit was bogus!

Anyways, I asked my devoted readers for their input in regards to a potential title for Coop’s latest cinematic venture, and there was clearly one winner:

@pcd2009 'California, Here We Come’ or bust

— PROBABLE CAU$E (@dylangrogers)

March 13, 2017

Just release that shit already, Vivid.

Aside from that, here are some paparazzi shots of Mischa clutching a passport - Tijuana bound?

Thanks for keeping Hollywood interesting, Coop! It’s like 2009 never died!

UPDATE:

- After writing this post out, I did my daily search of Mischa’s name on Twitter (Yes, part of my morning routine is fighting people who think Marissa Cooper deserved to die), and I spotted a statement from Coop’s attorney about the sex tape:

BREAKING NEWS: I am proud to represent actress Mischa Barton, who is the victim of revenge pornography. Here is my statement. pic.twitter.com/87brpAJoqy

— Lisa Bloom (@LisaBloom)

March 14, 2017

I’m ready for Mischa to serve some classic courtroom looks a la Lohan!

UPDATE #2:

- The Enquirer is claiming Mischa is behind the tape’s surfacing and wants a quick buck:

Notorious “sex-tape broker” Kevin Blatt is talking up a bidding war for the very intimate footage of Mischa having sex with an anonymous man, insisting that he was approached by a third party. He adds that he’s sure that it’s Mischa in the tape, even though he claims the footage of the former star of “The O.C.” shows her in a hoodie while “performing a sex act on a guy.” But with The National ENQUIRER revealing the troubled star’s money woes, some insiders are claiming Blatt is working with Mischa — just like he did in setting up Kim Kardashian’s infamous sex tape! “Kevin Blatt is just as good at covering up a sex tape than he is at selling one,” said an L.A. insider. “Nobody’s going to bid on a Mischa Barton sex tape without knowing they won’t be sued — and everyone knows that Blatt put together the deal on the Kim Kardashian tape that left her 'humiliated!’” Adult-industry professionals think that a sex tape can pay off big for the star, too. “Mischa made a lot of young fans when she was a star on 'The OC’ in the '90s,” said one. “They’re all grown up now!”

Okay… The O.C. did NOT air in the '90s - Coop isn’t that old!

UPDATE #3:

- Mischa & her attorney (She can afford one… apparently?) will be doing a press conference tomorrow morning about Coop’s latest scandal:

Press conference tomorrow with my client Mischa Barton as we fight revenge porn. pic.twitter.com/voi4is5hrB

— Lisa Bloom (@LisaBloom)

March 15, 2017

UPDATES (3/15):

- Mischa’s attorney appeared on Good Morning America this morning to discuss the tape:

- I bolted out of my Art History class (Sorry Bernini!) so I wouldn’t miss the press conference since this is probably the only public appearance Mischa’s going to make all year - here are some clips:

.@knxbaird at actress #MischaBarton news conference in #WoodlandHills. Barton is alleged victim of revenge porn. #knxnewspic.twitter.com/q4euaAV6g4

— KNX 1070 NEWSRADIO (@KNX1070)

March 15, 2017

Coop did a press conference this morning with her attorney about the tape: pic.twitter.com/jkfHXkANpg

— popculturediedin2009 (@pcd2009)

March 15, 2017

You can watch the full thing on Lisa Bloom’s Facebook. My girl @drugproblem& I are blaming all of this on Gavin Doyle. This reeks of his influence. For those who aren’t familiar with him, he’s La Lohan’s ex-assistant (“GET OUT OF THE CAR GAVIN!”) & since then he’s set his sights on Coop. Whenever he attaches himself to somebody, bad things happen. Anyways, theories aside, here’s a rundown of what was said at the conference:

- Mischa reached out to Lisa Bloom’s firm on Monday night after reports about the tape surfaced.

- Mischa & her attorney went to court yesterday to request an emergency order against her ex-boyfriend, who has the tape.

- Anyone who attempts to distribute the tape, or stills from it, will be classified as “agents” of Mischa’s ex-boyfriend, which also fall under the court order.

- The relationship between Mischa & her ex-boyfriend was “brief.”

- One reporter said there’ve been rumors that Mischa looks directly at the camera during the tape, suggesting she knew she was being recorded. Mischa’s attorney responded that doesn’t mean shit.

- TMZ is reporting that Coop’s order of protection covers not just one, but two former boyfriends:

Mischa Barton got not just one but 2 restraining orders against 2 former boyfriends … one or both of whom she believes is peddling a sex tape. As we reported, Mischa has filed a police report after stories surfaced someone is trying to sell a sex tape featuring the actress for $500k. She said in a news conference the culprit is a former BF, but she didn’t name names. TMZ has obtained 2 restraining orders Mischa got Tuesday against Jon Zacharias and Adam Shaw. She said in the docs she started dating Jon last October and says he took videos of “us having intimate relations, photos of me naked in the shower, and other videos and photos of me unclothed.” Mischa says all videos and photos were taken without her knowledge or permission. She goes on to say she broke up with Jon after she learned he was only interested in her because she was a celebrity. She then started dating Adam, a former friend of Jon’s. She says Adam told her Jon had bragged to him he had the videos and photos. She goes on to say Adam copied the photos and videos and tried to erase them from Jon’s computer. She says Adam turned out to be a bad guy, forging her signature on checks. Mischa says both guys are desperate for money, and she believes one or both are the ones who are peddling the sex tape. A judge ordered both Adam and Jon to stay clear of Mischa and prohibited them from selling, distributing, giving away or showing any of the videos or photos.

- And Daily Mail’s obtained pictures of the restraining order:

Paris Hilton and James Blunt, 2006

StarMarch 26, 2007

I’m breaking my self-imposed Lilo In Training ban to announce that I just stood next to one of her drug buddies on the subway and Gossip Girl couldn’t write this shit even if they tried😉

“I went to IKEA in Burbank and I was walking through the end of it, and Paris calls me and she’s like, ‘Dude – what the f–k!’ And Kim was crying in the background. She’d seen the story by then, and Kim’s saying, ‘It’s not me, it’s not me.’ Kim was saying that [hip hop ‘video vixen’] Superhead was actually the person in the video.”

Amanda Bynes talks to Access Hollywood, August 2007

Mary-Kate and Ashley party at Paris Hilton’s house, August 2004

StarOctober 30, 2006