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Parasite has a new man, the Olsens speak, Pam writes poetry, and Tinsley returns to TV.
~#TinsleyWatch~
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Yep, it’s time for a Tinz update.
It’s been a while since we caught up with Tinsley Mortimer. Remember my epic Socialite Rank recap from last spring? That I spent a month working on? Yeah, you better have read that shit.
Since then, Tinz has landed a spot on the upcoming season of The Real Housewives of New York City. I haven’t watched any of the Real Housewives in years - seriously, I’m just not that into contemporary reality TV, I’m a purist for the Nick & Jessica days - but I have to make an exception this week for Tinsley’s grand return (April 5 - grab those remotes!).
Here’s her already legendary tagline:
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And this past week she’s been busy doing promo for her TV comeback, dishing on some of her lowest points to PEOPLE:
Here’s the article from the new issue:
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All I can hope is that this goes better than High Society… speaking of, where’s Jules Kirby these days? ‘Liv, give us the scoop!
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~Olsen Updates~
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March was a busier month than usual for the Children of the Corn. Mary-Kate& Ashley Olsen dished on their lives in a rare interview with Net-a-Porter’s The Edit. Some highlights:
- On Why They Don’t Do Photoshoots:
MK:“We’re used to being on the other side of the camera and managing the process, so it’s hard for us to do photoshoots now.”
- On Married Life:
MK:“I think we’re lucky [working hard] comes quite naturally for us. We don’t need so much time to sit and think and ponder. But then I have a husband, two step-kids and a life; I have to go home and cook dinner. I ride horses on the weekends. You find the thing that helps you relax and if you don’t have it, you have to look for it. Or you get burned out and then you’re not productive.”
- On Their Style:
A:“We’ve been in so many fittings. We used to do two a week for 15 years.“
MK:”When we were younger, being in the public eye was almost part of our role and responsibility – to set the trends at that time or be ahead of fashion. We would take adult clothing and cut it down to our size, change the proportions. I think from a young age we understood fit in a very different way because we’re so petite.“
- On Social Media:
A:”We don’t dive into that world [of social media]; we don’t have Instagram or Facebook. So we’ve never been connected to our customers or our fans in that way. We’ve stayed quite sheltered.“
In other Olsen news, The Row scored two CFDA nominations, and Ashley split with from her 58-year-old boyfriend Richard Sachs a couple of weeks ago according to a recent issue of Us Weekly:
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Good! He was too young for her anyways. I think an octogenarian is more her type. Anyone know where we could dig up J Howard Marshall’s corpse?
Anyways, I’ll leave you with some recent paparazzi shots:
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Consistency, I love it.
~Pam’s Poetry~
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If you told me in 2007 that the future political arena would consist of the star of The Apprentice and his coked-up daughter, Lilo, and Pamela Anderson, I would’ve just dropped out of elementary school since it means you don’t need a brain to accomplish anything these days - but I digress.
For those who’ve been keeping up with Pam, you’ll know she’s been getting hot & heavy with Wikileaks founder Julian Assange. First it was delivering him vegan meals, then it was calling those rape allegations”made up“ - and now she’s penning poems about their love… and fake orgasms?
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In a recent blog post on her website, she showed off her prose with a touching tribute to her new BFF/lover/who-even-knows. I’m disappointed, though. I was rooting for her, and now she’s gone farther off the deep end than Lohan.
I have to say, though, her writing’s improved quite a bit since Star:
~Parasite News~
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For those keeping an eye on Paris Hilton’s wonky eye, you probably know she went public with her new man recently, actor Chris Zylka from HBO’s The Leftovers/ex-MySpace scene queen Hanna Meth/Beth’s old piece.
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She told E! News:
”I’ve never been surer of anything in my life. He’s so incredible in every way. We’ve actually been friends for a really long time, like the past six years. We just now started being serious in the past few months and it’s really just changed my life in so many ways and brought so much happiness to my life. I feel so safe and he’s so special. We’re best friends and we’re together every minute. I don’t know what else I could ask for. He’s perfect for me.“
Doesn’t she say this about every guy she’s with? Paris LatsisStarving Nachos? Benji Madden? Cy Waits? Whatever. She also did an interview with Daily Mail about how she’s ”sweet“ and ”down to earth“ - seriously:
”I’ve been in this industry for so long and I remember one piece of advice that my mom gave me the night before the Simple Life aired. She said: 'Paris, once the show airs on Fox tomorrow, your life is going to change forever. And a lot of people, when this happens to them, it gets to their head - they become a different person. Please remain the same sweet down to earth Paris, don’t ever change.’ And that’s one piece of advice I’ve always listened to. I’ve never changed. I’ve always been the same sweet down to earth person and I’ve always worked very hard.“
Were you sweet when you made fun of Lilo’s 19-year-old pussy with Greasy Bear? Or during any of those classy ParisExposed.com tapes?
I digress.
She also dished on being an Aquarius - her and Timberdouche give my sign a bad image. Good thing we have real talent, like Mischa Barton, to redeem us!
”I’m an Aquarius so I’m a very creative person. The fact I work so hard and I have a good heart means I feel that God gives me good karma. I feel like I will be doing this for the rest of my life. I have worked very hard to build my brand. I’m all about girl power and believing in yourself and making your dreams come true.“
…Sure.
I’ll leave you with some April Fool’s Day prank she did with SodaStream (Yeah…):
Uhh…
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~Random Tidbits~
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- Ex-Lohan hanger-on Lady Victoria Herveyis channeling 2006 Kate Bosworth.
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- 'Paris Hilton With A Thesaurus’ (AKA Ivanka Trump) stole designs for her shitty clothing line… again.
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- Future President Suri Cruisewas devastated by the 2016 Election, too.
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- Mandy Mooreshares a throwback with Timberdouche.
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- It’s the end of an era, Carls Jr. is now emphasizing ”Food, not boobs.“
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- Lauren Conradis still pregnant.
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~Tabloids~
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Here are some bits from the recent issues of Us Weekly (RIP), Star, and OK!:
Us Weekly
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OK!
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Star
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